How One Woman Conquered Insecurity With Self-Care
Meet Adrienne
Before Sanity & Self when Adrienne felt like she needed a little self-care she'd attempt to meditate (she describes it as half-way meditating), going for long drives or walks, or if the energy was there maybe even a run. Most of the time she called her mom, cried it out, and watched her favorite comfort movie. (When Harry Met Sally...yes!!). Oftentimes she turned to vices like marijuana or alcohol as coping mechanisms.
Needing A Whole Lot More
I really started to rely on Sanity & Self when I was feeling very insecure. My partner was out of town with some other women whom I didn't know or trust and I had just seen my ex at the bar. It was difficult to see him and I didn't have anyone to talk to at the time. It was also embarrassing that I was letting such a thing phase me. I didn't want to come across as hung up on him – because I really wasn't – I just needed to work through how I felt. I knew I had to do it internally but wasn't sure how to really manage all the thoughts and conflicts I had. I decided to start listening to Sanity & Self. I didn't listen day by day – I instead would binge them. Then relisten. I began to sort of memorize the lectures which helped when I just needed some words to reflect on independently. I kept viewing other women as competition – everyone was out for my man, no one respected me. It was really toxic. I was comparing myself to other women, how I looked, what my hobbies were. I was constantly questioning if I was interesting or attractive. I wasn't receiving the love and attention that I needed from my partner and with Sanity & Self I was better able to articulate that to him, too. It was a matter of processing all of the things going on in my head, putting them through a mindful "funnel" and being able to articulate them in such a way that I felt valid and heard.
“I felt very insecure and unsure of myself. I knew that I was a part to a whole – not a whole in and of myself. It took me a few months, but I finally got to a point where I was whole independently – which has benefitted my relationships, too. In the photo, I remember feeling uncreative because I couldn’t get out of the rut of insecurity – so my artwork was really taking a hit. I wasn’t producing stuff I was proud of because I kept thinking it wasn’t good enough or it wasn’t going to suit my partner’s taste or that the girls he was with could probably do better or blah blah blah – so I just didn’t make any art at all. I even destroyed some of the work that I had been working on in a fit of rage.”
Self-Care To The Rescue
I remember listening to Self Respect. It was perfect. It was telling me that I was a badass. I listened to this before the whole "other women are not to be trusted" fiasco – but because I'd heard it, I was able to return to it again and again. Overcome Self-Doubt was also a great one that I binged during my insecure time. Finally, Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex allowed me the time to privately reflect on WHY I was so concerned about that matter. All three brought me to a place of security and confidence that I knew I had in me but just wasn't able to fit into my headspace.
The sessions allowed me to return to a headspace that I knew I was capable of. The podcasts were saying stuff that now I consider "no brainers," but sometimes that REALLY MATTERS. I can't call my mom and continue to say the same shit every time. I could return to those podcasts again and again and take NOTES. I felt like I had a crutch for as long as I needed it – Sanity & Self was a resource that I could return to without fear of it getting expensive (therapy) or annoying (calling my friends). I could just listen and absorb.
I feel so much better. I know that I have a crutch when I need it, and I know that I've gained mantras and insight that I otherwise would have taken ages to get to. The lectures are sort of like spark notes of self-help books. I get the information I need to aid my emotional process without fear of being burdensome. I get the satisfaction of DIY'ing my mental clarity.
“This has been tremendously helpful when I’m seeking advice that I can’t exactly place — which is useful when I know my friends want to hear something from me again and again, but I can’t be there (usually break up stuff or body positivity). It takes the burden off of repeated validation and doesn’t add to the loop of reassurances I find I get in with my friends.”
Looking Ahead and Paying It Forward
I'm looking forward to making more art and sharing more wisdom. A lot of my friends are younger women who are facing similar insecurities. My best friend at the moment is a couple of years younger than me and she faces a lot of jealousy. I am able to repeat lessons I've learned from Sanity & Self to her. I also make sure to say things that I wish my friends had told me when my brain was going in circles. It feels really good. I hope to keep designing and continue freelancing. I hope to get out of this small town I'm in at the moment and pursue art in a major city, too. I think that change will be hard, but I am very confident that I can roll with the punches.
I love Sanity and Self. I pay for it every month, even when I might not use it. I don't really mind. Yeah, I don't have a ton of income to pay for it, but this is waaaay cheaper than therapy and it's nice to know that I have it when I need it.
Adrienne Recommends
I loved Self Respect with Melanie DewBerry. That was my first one and I return to it. It cross applies to everything. Plus she is an awesome rhetorician and is able to connect with the listener the best, in my opinion. I really love her voice. Also Self Doubt with Airial Clark. Airial is like my favorite. She is awesome. Any of her sessions are dope.
